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Sunday, May 8, 2016

The Things I've Learned from Marriage Year 1

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Thou shalt make your husband your number 1.
“A man wants a woman who will place him at the top of her priority list – not second, but FIRST. He wants to be the king-pin around which all other activities of her life revolve. He does not want to be the background music to her other interests and dreams. This desire in not necessarily a conscious one, but an inner need …” – Helen B. Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood, p.107
I realized that my number 1 role as a wife is to help bring out the best of my husband.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
What are some of the things women tend to place ahead of their husbands?
a. The Children
b. Homemaking
c. Appearance
d. The Wife’s Parents
e. Money and Success
f. Careers, Talents and Activities
I learned that it is important to be good at the things mentioned above. 
However, our reason behind our advancement is far more important. Ex. we take care of our husband just the way we look after our children. We want to enhance our physical appearance to please not the people around us but our husband.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Thou shalt not take the name of your Husband in vain. Protect your husband’s reputation.
The Prophet Joseph Smith counseled the Relief Society to “teach women how to behave towards their husbands, to treat them with mildness and affection. When a man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care and difficulty, if he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur—if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings; when the mind is going to despair, it needs a solace of affection and kindness”
We never mock, joke rudely, humiliate, curse, criticize nor talk bad about our husbands behind or in front of him.We praise and appreciate him. We recognize his divinity.

4. Remember the Sabbath, to keep it holy.
Go to church together and spend the day with the Lord.
“The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Imagine that the Savior is positioned at the apex of a triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steady “come unto Christ”, and strive to be perfect in Him.” (Moroni 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.” – Elder Bednar
 This year, my husband and I established holy habits that include praying together, companionship scripture study and going to church together diligently. We make sure that we add new habits only after we successfully strengthened the ones we are currently working out. 
I also enjoy supporting each other with our church callings. 

5. Honour thy father and thy mother.
Honour your father-in-law and your mother-in-law. How?
“If we truly honor [our parents], we will seek to emulate their best characteristics and to fulfill their highest aspirations for us. No gift purchased from a store can begin to match in value to parents some simple, sincere words of appreciation. Nothing we could give them would be more prized than righteous living for each youngster.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 348.)
I learned that having a fine and a respectful relationship with my in-laws strengthens our marriage.

6. Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not keep grudges or harbor anger, resentments and bitterness.
I often say to my husband, "our home is not a house of complaining, but a house of forgiving!"
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught,
“If husbands and wives would only give greater emphasis to the virtues that are to be found in one another and less to the faults, there would be fewer broken hearts, fewer tears, fewer divorces, and much more happiness in the homes of our people”
I learned that a long-lasting marriage requires a never ending forgiveness. 

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Be Loyal to your Spouse. 
Forgiveness is the beginning of an honest path. You never keep a secret from your spouse. My husband and I wrote down rules on how to protect our marriage. We set limitations on how we should treat the people around us; co-workers, friends, our families and especially the opposite sex. We discussed the role of social media in our relationship. We strive to avoid situations where we can be dishonest. We gave up some habits we identified unhealthy for our companionship. 
                                  I learned to seek counsels from my husband first before anyone else.                  
        
8. Thou shalt not steal.
Be transparent in all of your budgeting and expenditures.
Budgeting is not solely a mother's task. This is done together as a couple. I learned that as a family we should set goals and each should have knowledge of the family's current financial status. When parents include their children in this activity, everyone can adjust happily with no complaints according to the plans. My husband and I also made a rule we called the "500 bill notice". Each of us is allowed to buy anything below 500 pesos without permission. 
An approval is required if  the price is higher than that.  

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Be honest with your spouse at all times, and all things and in all places. 
Sometimes we might be tempted to tell a lie because we do not want to hurt our spouse or unintentionally lie due to our spouse's exaggerated reaction to our mistakes. I am learning to stay calm and to never raise my voice when misunderstandings and arguments arise. I learned that bearing false witness is also saying things you do not actually mean. I am learning to keep my words thoughtful, plain and most of all from the heart. Words can be more painful than physical wounds. It takes longer time to heal. 

10. Thou shalt not covet.
Thou shalt not compete with your spouse.
Our spouse is our reflection. Marriage diminishes our tendency of selfishness.  It taught me to prioritize my husband's welfare before any of my personal pursuits. I learned that loving him means to sacrifice for his happiness. It means slowing down or speeding up in this journey so no one will be left behind. We are to take each step together with charity, patience and holding hands. I used to say never to run faster than MY strength but now it changed to "OUR" strength.
Marriage is teamwork.

Marriage Year 1 had lots of adjustments to do. It was joyful, exciting, tearful and full of tests. I got to know not just my husband more but also myself. I am very grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. It enabled me to forgive, love and sacrifice beyond my own limitations. I am also deeply thankful for my husband. My love for him grows stronger as the days go by. He is God's greatest gift to me. Truly he is a reminder of Heavenly Father's plan for  me.



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